Children's Story Feedback for Friends

Harper was a 10 year old little girl who loved riding horses.

Harper had a horse named Sassy and together they were super good at winning competitions.

This year Harper and Sassy had made it all the way to the Horsey State Competition.

Harper knew she was really good at the competitions so she didn't practice a whole lot.

Before they knew it the time had come for the competition both Harper and Sassy had been waiting for.

Harper was convinced she was going to win, she didn't even feel the need to try.

But Harper was wrong.

They fell short and by the time it was over they lost.

Harper was upset. 

So upset she wanted to quit competing.

Harper's mom knew Harper shouldn't quit.

She was good, she just needed to be reminded of it. (Maybe add a quote from her mom speaking to Harper)

So Harper's mom pushed her to get back to horse riding.

And pushed her (Add details on how she started practicing again)

And pushed her

And pushed her.

Until she finally got back to it

And that is when Harper realized all she had to do was push herself

And she could accomplish anything (Could possibly add a short story from the next competition she competed in)

• I really like how you have a clear and defined moral to this story and that it is straight to the point with no rambling. I also like the use of repetition you used in the story to add emphasis. I would add a detail at the end of the story talking about another competition that Harper competed in and possibly won after practicing so much.

Luis is a second grader from Barcelona, Spain who transfers to Jacobs second grade class. Luis isn't very good at English at first, and he has trouble communicating with the other kids. Seeing his trouble, Jacob befriends Luis and decides he will help teach him English. Their second grade class has a big project coming up: reading a book of your choice in front of the class, and Jacob wants Luis to be ready for it. The two meet everyday at recess, and Luis also helps Jacob learn a little bit of Spanish. (That's all I have so far, I haven't decided an ending or what happens after they begin meeting). My plan is for the graphic design class to do the illustrations, which will just be simple people and a couple of settings.

• I like the idea behind this story! I would recommend ending it where Luis is able to read the story in front of the class after practicing with Jacob. It will show children that you can accomplish anything if you work hard and practice for what you want.